How To Be More Cooperative In Your Relationship

Of course we don’t mean that your husband does not already do the dishes for you or with you.

Of course you have a fully loving relationship in which all your reasonable desires and requests are met by each other. Right?

This article is for those who either live alone, because they can’t seem to live with anyone else, or who live with someone, sharing intimacies, but can’t seem to work well together solving the problems of daily life in the love nest.

Are you one of these?

• Someone who doesn’t do the dishes?
• Someone who doesn’t do the cooking?
• Someone who doesn’t do the shopping?
• Someone who doesn’t earn at least part of the income you both live on?
• Someone who looks at television or the Internet while the other one works?
• Someone who complains about things at home, including the sexual life, but does not problem-solve the problems to make things a lot better for you both?

If all these above statements are true then you are both lazy persons. Agreed?If only some of the above are true for you or your partner, or both of you, then there is hope for your relationship. Agreed?

HERE’S THE BIG WORD, THE WORD YOU NEED MOST IN YOUR RELATIONSHIP. IT’S CALLED:C O O P O R A T I O N

What is the opposite for you to COOPERATION? Is it

-Aggression-Selfishness

-Laziness

-Irresponsibility

-Domination

You can add your own words, of course.As a relationships counselor and professional psychologist I have dealt a lot with couples in trouble. The reason couples came to me was because they had serious problems in their relationships that they realized were destroying their relationship.

EXAMPLES

-One couple had an alcoholic husband. The wife was pregnant for the first time. She brought them in to see me. The male carried in a bag with a bottle in it, classic defiance symptom of the alcoholic. As their counselor I knew enough to know that if I talked about ‘what’s in the bag’ it would destroy their confidence in me. I treated them both equally as wanting skilled help from me in helping them solve their marriage problem. Through our sessions I got them to focus on the fundamental: did they want to be together or not, and not just for the baby coming? The answer was yes for both of them. The relationship issue ultimately focused on whether she was making his lunch sandwiches right or not? (she was not) He had not voiced his preferences. She didn’t know. He did not trust enough to say his needs and preferences. She was not aware enough to do what he wanted. After three months of marriage counseling they learned that they could settle their differences, that they could cooperate and problem-solve together. It was realized also that she could not solve his alcoholism for him or with him. He announced on his own that he was going to AA meetings. In essence they became a problem-solving, cooperative couple. This is a real plus in life.

-Another couple having fights came in to see me. They were both strong people. They quickly got angry with each other, bringing up their issues with me. Then they both jumped up and started kicking each other. Yes, you heard me, kicking each other. That’s a No-No I said loudly at them. If you are going to be able to use me effectively to learn how to solve your relationship problems, you will have to obey certain ground rules while in counseling with me. They both refused to abide by my rules and so it was the first and last session we had together. They could not cooperate with me. They could not cooperate with each other. They would probably tear each other apart rather than share love together. Settling the issue of who does the dishes tonight or forever would turn out to be an impossible problem to solve.

-Another couple hated each other as ex’s. They had had a boy child together. This meant they still had to cooperate in the child’s sharing visits and living with each parent. The ex wife was good at cooperating with the man she now hated and not letting her anger infect her boy child. Even though these two humans hated each other they could at least cooperate in doing what was best for their mutual child. Love over hate is possible, it seems.

THE PROBLEM

The problem in intimate relating is not the sex, not the money, not even the compatibility.

If you cannot solve your problems together, then why be together? Sex and love and intimacy and children may bring you together, but they will not keep you together unless you both learn to cooperate.

Practice cooperation then. How do you do this? you would ask.

There are many attitudes to change in yourself and the patterns inside formed in your parents’ relating.

We can’t go into it here in this short article. We hope you see that cooperation is the key to a successful love relation because you have to cooperate, don’t you, to solve the daily problems that may come up in your living together and relating.

How do you problem-solve and cooperate in a love relationship?

A big, big question.

Around half of the adults living in America and England don’t live with anyone though they may date on weekends.

THEY LIVE ALONE!!!

As a relationships counselor I find that the biggest reason is that people have given up on intimate relating. They have decided that its less hassle in life to live alone than to live with someone you love.

Strephon Kaplan-Williams is a professional psychologist with many books published. He has given dreamwork training programs for thirty years and worked with many groups and individuals in America and in Europe. He is also a well-known podcaster with over 60,000 listeners in 10 months. He is committed to getting out his knowledge of human experience through Internet publishing primarily.

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www.creativewritingandwriters.com

You will find these and a lot more ideas and resources in a full report for sale at a reasonable price at this author’s regular website: http://www.creativewritingandwriters.com

See his other free information articles and paid-for reports, plus examples of his own fiction-writing work. Strephon Kaplan-Williams is a well-published writer and expert psychologist now selling his new work solely from the Internet. He offers solely his own experiences as a resource for new writers coming on the Internet.

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